Tide
by zephyrchild
Summary: Falling in love isn't quite like anything. Its always different. Missing pieces to Willow and Tara's story in season 4.
1. Rising

_Authors note: the poem used in italics throughout this story is called Drowning, it is used with the permission of its author who didn't want her name tied to fanfiction._

Willow breathed in. Slowly. She wasn't entirely sure what kind of meditation thing the Wiccan group was trying, apparently they were supposed to be focusing on their internal energy to find a date for the stupid bake-sale.

This group wasn't what she expected. And now that she had Tara to do witchy-stuff with she really didn't expect to come back. Tara. The blonde witch had been on her mind all day long. Funny things she said kept popping into her head at odd moments. Like this morning at breakfast she'd been eating a bagel with Buffy and Riley, and suddenly she'd burst out laughing. Remembering when she'd mixed up one of Tara's course books with a spell book and tried to use a Latin poem as an incantation. Tara had practically fallen over apologizing and giggling and handing her the right book. Luckily Buffy and Riley had been really distracted with each other and didn't really notice all her odd behaviour and sneaking around.

Or start thinking about the spells they were doing together. Sitting late in Tara's dorm, practising magic, looking at all the books Tara had sitting around. Some spell-related, others filled with coursework. She finally had someone to share all the magic with. It was such a relief, knowing that there were other witches. I mean she had known there were other witches, but she'd never met any and that was pretty much just as bad as not knowing there were other witches. And they could practise together. She just couldn't get enough of magic, or of Tara.

She remembered a conversation they'd had earlier, a conversation she just couldn't get out of her head.

"_Well I told you about the Scoobies, right?"_

"_Yeah, y-your friends, the ones that fight demons. "_

"_Well, Oz my boyfriend was a werewolf. So he used to lock himself up in the library every month to keep from hurting anyone. I used to sit and read to him. Learned pretty quick not to read anything with rabbits in it. Or small animals of any kind really, got him too excited."_

"_Oh." Tara shut down slightly, boyfriend, as in straight she reminded herself. But still when Willow looked at her stomach started doing flipflops. It was even worse when they did spells. When their energies were joined in magical exertion, and she could feel Willow, and felt like she was drowning in Willow totally unable to help herself._

"_Well ex-boyfriend, I guess now." Willow added, "And since I'm no longer messing up spells to have my will done to get over him. I'd say I'm improving."_

"_Definitely." Tara smiled. She was so cute, blabbering Willow was cute. _

"_You ever had a boyfriend?" Willow asked in an odd tone of voice. She looked at Tara intently._

"_Umm, n-n-no." Tara said slowly, this was it, Willow was on to her._

"_Well, you're really pretty, there's got to have been someone. Are you just shy or-"_

_Tara cut her off, "I d-don't like boys," she managed to as firmly as her stutter would allow. "I'm gay." The final two words came out so softly Willow wasn't sure she heard them for a moment._

_Willow continued in a slightly nervous ramble "Well that's fine. And I'm sure you've had girlfriends, or have a girlfriend and how di-" Willow cut herself off, obviously embarrassed about what she was just about to ask._

"_Sort of, there was this girl once, w-w-when I was almost 18. But n-nothing really ever happened. I mean she wasn't ever really my girlfriend. She wasn't gay, she was just curious. But after that I knew what I was. "_

_She noticed then, that Willow wasn't looking at her in fear, but with a lot of affection._

"_Okay." The redheaded witch answered her with a smile. _

She looked across the room at Tara, who smiled, and rolled her eyes slightly. A half-smile playing on her face. The meeting ended and she rushed towards Tara, smiling,

"Let's get out of here and do..."

"Sure."

And with that they made their way to Tara's dorm. Which was rapidly becoming the centre of her world. Then she made Tara laugh about the wannablessedbes, and her eyes literally lit up as she laughed. She loved making her laugh. She loved everything about their time together. She just couldn't get enough of Tara Maclay.

_Love not striking once_

_Not an instant uncontrollable longing_

_But rising like a tide_

_Before you know it you're_

_Drowning_


	2. Crash

It was just the magic. Just the magic. Tara repeated to herself for the hundredth time since Willow had wandered into her bedroom to do spells. Especially when she came in holding that rose. Some insane part of her had hoped for a moment that the rose was for her. Especially when she came in holding that rose. Some insane part of her had hoped for a moment that the rose was for her.

Then they're holding hands, and for a split second she remembered how good it felt to hold Willow's hand and intertwine their fingers. I wonder if she likes the Christmas lights, Tara wondered absently. Before briefly and wordlessly snapping herself out of whatever fantasy she was slipping in to. She had a huge crush on Willow Rosenberg; that was all. She knew it wasn't the end of the world. She just had to be careful, make sure that either Willow liked her back or that she never figured it out. Its just the magic, Tara repeated to herself. Although, sometimes she saw the way Willow was looking back at her and she wondered. Wondered if Willow did like her back.

The magic is the only thing that connects us. The intensity of moving the vending machine was only the spell. The piles of musty older books that littered the room suddenly took on new meaning. As the rose hovered above their heads. She glanced over at Willow, it was definitely good to have the company. Part of her wondered if Willow had begun to realize just how gay she was. There was that painting with the naked nymph on the wall. Was it too obvious? Too much? She didn't want to scare Willow away, this was way too important. She maintained her focus however, floating the rose. Willow had been right, it was very pretty. Just like Willow. She was so lithe and thin and fairy-like in proportion. She made her feel, well big. She felt too tall and broad standing sometimes when she looked at her. Maybe she wasn't good enough. But then Willow was just so much fun. And kept her distracted, she liked herself when she was with her. Felt less wrong, less demonic. She felt as far away as she could from her youth and her family.

And even as the rose flew around the room before exploding petals all over the room.

"_I don't know, but, uh, the petals are off__." _ Tara laughed, and wondered if her wandering mind had been the cause. They managed to stand there for a moment before both girls began to laugh.

"Do you want to try something else?" Willow looked at her eagerly, "I brought some books or we could use yours you know, but we don't have to we could sit and talk instead. Whatever you want really."

A slow smile spread across Tara's face, "Why don't you tell me s-something about you? And I'll look for another synchronizing spell for us to try?" She reached for the closest book, toppling another to the floor in the process which Willow picked up.

"I think I found a spell." Tara smiled, "Up for some more levitation?"

"Levitating what?"

"You." Tara responded instantly, "I-I think it would be fun."

"Always up for a spell." Willow grinned.

BBB

Later that night Willow was stretched out on the bed beside her. Creating trails of light with her fingers and tracing shapes in the darkness of the room. Having decided not to walk across campus at 4 am, Willow was going to be staying over. They'd talked well into the early hours of the morning. They talked about everything, it was crazy to have someone to share so much with. But now, they lay there in silence. Willow was almost asleep, her brief spurts of babbling were becoming further apart. And she, well she was falling in love with Willow.

Willow broke the silence unexpectedly, "Tara?"

"Yeah?" she responded quietly turning her head towards Willow's. Short red hair fanned out against the pillow. She looked so cute, and she was moving closer. Tara froze for a moment, waiting to see what Willow would do.

Willow looked in her eyes moving closer, her lips about an inch away when Tara instinctually moved forward and pressed her lips gently to Willow's. As the other witch leaned in to the kiss. Eyes closing, her arm going around to hold Willow around her waist. Willow was kissing her, softly almost hesitantly and then she eased into it. Willow's hand coming up to her shoulder, fingers brushing through her hair. It had been so long since she'd been kissed. And Willow was pressing closer, flush against her body, then pulling away just as suddenly.

She wanted to ask so much, do you like me too? Are you ok? Did I scare you? But all she managed was, "Willow?"

Willow looked back at her with an odd expression on her face, her fingers still gently caressing the older Wiccan's shoulder, "I think I'm kinda gay." She blinked briefly. Then leaned in to kiss her again.

It was ok this way, better really. They could talk it out later. Tara reasoned to herself, and kissed Willow back.


	3. Under

Willow awoke to the bed shifting and warmth shifting away from the left side of her body. She kept her eyes closed however. She felt Tara climb out of the bed. And heard the rustling sounds that were probably Tara getting dressed or undressed, either way Willow kept her eyes clamped shut. Another few noises and the door shut. She drifted back to sleep, she wasn't sure for how long, but she was awake again. And it was fully light outside.

Oh my god. She repeated to herself again and again. She had stayed the whole night here, they had kissed. They must have kissed for nearly an hour, Willow thought. The kisses had become spread further apart, then sleepy, almost leisurely and then they'd fallen asleep. She kisses better than Oz, Willow thought guiltily, left her wanting more. But what was more? Where would more lead? What the hell was she doing? Smoochies with Tara. Willow grinned despite herself. So tame, and yet... Somewhere in the back of her mind she cursed. Opening her eyes, she saw the room was pretty much the same as the night before. Only it was morning now. She glanced at the clock- which she really couldn't see from this angle. She stretched, and the door swung open again. It was Tara. Dressed, and carrying coffee and a brown paper bag.

"Hey, I g-got breakfast." The older witch looked at her and smiled, setting the bag down on the bed and handing Willow a cup of coffee. Willow couldn't help but smile back, grabbing a muffin from the bag and biting in to it rather contentedly as she sat up. Noticing the time, she realized she better make it fast. She had about half an hour to run back to her dorm change and get her stuff for class.

Willow sipped the coffee, it was a latte and it was pretty good, "Thanks."

"I don't have class until the afternoon, y-you know, if you want to-"

"Thanks, but I have class. Psychology. I think. " Willow says again. Damn, don't I have anything better to say? "I had fun last night, the spells were great." Willow felt like whacking her head into a wall. Spells? It even sounded like a euphemism. Why didn't she just tell her she liked kissing her, she liked her. She wanted more. She couldn't deny it anymore. She had a crush the size of a small planet on Tara Maclay.

"They were." Tara smiled back genuinely, catching the meaning, "We should do it again sometime."

"Yeah." Willow paused, "I gotta go though." She leaned up and kissed Tara like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was; she couldn't resist another kiss from Tara's sweet lips.

Tara hummed slightly, and kissed her back. They broke apart smiling. Willow gathered her stuff,

"Want to meet up tonight? I'm free at 8." Tara said, practically glowing.

"Definitely. I'm going to be there." Willow beamed back, gathering her things and heading out the door.

It didn't seem right, Willow thought that as soon as she left Tara`s room she was nervous and crazy again. Was she gay? Had she always been? She liked kissing Tara, she liked it a lot. What does all this mean? Will Xander and Buffy be cool? What the hell was happening. But no matter what terrible doubt came into her, she was still right about one thing. She couldn't get enough of Tara.

She was shocked out of her inner ramblings by Buffy asking where she had been. She lied, it came out so easily. How could she tell Buffy? What would she tell her? What was happening? She was still so unsure. For now, it was her secret. Her scary, wonderful secret. What the hell was she going to do? She tried to get her mind out of panic-mode and into class-mode.

She felt sneaky, she felt awful, but she also felt really ridiculously happy. She was hanging out with Tara tonight. So odd that the thing making her the happiest was also rapidly making her the most awful friend in the history of the planet. What the heck was wrong with her? She continued to debate it all the way to psychology as she half-listened to Buffy talk about vampires and Riley.


	4. Pull

_Authors note: As of this chapter this story has an M-rating, for depictions of sex between two women. This chapter is mostly love scene, the next will be far more tame. Also thanks for the interest and reviews- they are much appreciated. _

_Also disclaimer: I own nothing. Forgot about that, but that's what you get when your writer likely has ADHD._

Willow closed the curtains as she looked over at Tara, busying herself with preparing for the ritual. She saw fear on her face. She remembered the way Tara had hesitantly told her she would have to be her anchor. Keep her on this plane. The eyebrows had said it all. Her trust in Tara wasn't the issue, she knew that Tara wouldn't let her float away never to be seen again. But the nervousness was contagious. Tara wasn't holding eye contact with her, until she anointed her. There was something else to this ritual, she suspected, something intimate. As to what exactly she wasn't sure. But she had a pretty good idea it would end naked. Couldn't ask Tara outright though, it might make her way too nervous.

They chanted as one, minds and magic bent on a single purpose. Creating their circle of magic and seeking out the netherrealm.

And then it begun. The undeniable intimacy of it all. She felt it, then their breaths coming in collective shallow pants. She could feel Tara, more than she should have been able to sitting like this. She was touching her, all around her, inside her.

Then Tara's hand on hers, their eyes locked, and she finally understood. Even as sensation began to grip her hard, that Tara wouldn't just be anchoring her magically, but physically as well. In that one look was acceptance, love and desire of what was to come. Even as she fell back to the pillow and most of her mind found its way to Buffy, she held on to one tangible thing, Tara.

**

Willow had fallen back with a moan and Tara could scarcely believe any of this was happening. She has wanted her first time to be a little more romantic than as part of a spell. But she had wanted this, dreamt of this, ached for this. And she had wanted this to be with Willow. But she didn't have time to think, not now. This spell required her to anchor Willow. First solely by magic, then using her body as well. She concentrated her energies entirely on Willow, on maintaining their connection, and to pleasing Willow. She could feel Willow everywhere, like she was literally wrapped around her. As she kissed around the navel of the writhing Willow, her hands ridding Willow of her skirt and panties as quickly as possible. Magic was no longer enough. She needed to touch. Willow's eyes were shut; her heavy breathing became a metronome. She looks so beautiful, Tara thought. She discarded the clothing with one hand. She smiled at the sight of the damp red curls at the apex between her thighs. She began with her hands, watching Willow's face for reactions to her movements, amazed at the silky wet heat beneath her fingers. She felt a rush of heat towards her own centre, stunned briefly at her own reactions to touching, biting her lip to muffle a moan. Willow continued to moan, her head lulling back. Instinct rapidly taking over the influence of her movements. She kissed the sweet skin of her neck. And suddenly Willow's hands were on her, moving and gripping at her shoulders and her back as she moved over her, inside her. The spell had given her such an incredible need to touch Willow that her nervousness vanished. She could smell her, and the heady scent was intoxicating. It wasn't enough- she wanted to submerge herself in Willow; so she lowered her mouth to her lover's sex. Sucking and licking at hot swollen flesh. The shock of it made her moan deep into Willow. This is what she had been craving; Willow filling all her senses. Almost immediately one of Willow's hands swung around and gripped the back of her neck, tangling fingers in her hair, almost painfully. As she pleasured Willow in this intimate way, her own body burned and ached for attention and release, but she didn't stop. She couldn't stop; Willow's sweet cries brought Tara closer and closer to the edge. And the way she moved her hips, the way she tasted, everything about her was just so wonderful. Until finally she felt Willow tense, felt her body shift and clench and heard the long gasping cry that pushed her over the edge too. Her eyes shooting open in surprise, her own body clenching and releasing as she muffled her release on Willow's thigh.

**

As Willow finally came fully back to herself, still breathing hard and drenched in sweat, she gazed down at Tara. More specifically the top of Tara's head, resting on her bare thighs. She felt Tara's mouth resting on her inner thigh, and the way Tara was trying to muffle her own panting. She felt each exhale against the sensitive skin of her thigh. She had been so aware of everything, every inch of her skin touching Tara had literally sung. It was amazing, and it wasn't just the magic, it was Tara. Tara touching her. Willow took a deep breath when she soon realized she wanted Tara again, immediately. She needed to be connected with Tara again. She waited quietly for a few moments.

"Tara?" Willow asked softly.

Tara silently withdrew her head from between Willow's legs, resting on the redhead's tummy and wiping her mouth off on her own sleeve. She looked worried and a million other things. She wrapped her arms around Willow the best she could with Willow lying flat on the floor.

"Did you see it?" Willow decided to stick to magic as discussion, at least until Tara had calmed down.

"Bits and pieces, I was kind of busy...a-a-anchoring."

Willow smiled and stroked Tara's hair, "You did an amazing job, I'm still here in my body and I know what's wrong with Buffy; Faith switched their bodies somehow."

She was so soft, Willow though, so gentle, so sweet and so beautiful. She was just so perfect, and sexy. And she wanted to get closer, wanted to touch Tara to make her gasp and moan and sigh out her release. To feel her skin on skin. Even though she wasn't sure what came next, or how to begin.

"We can conjure something to reverse it." Tara mumbled into Willow's stomach. Her body tensing rapidly. Maybe talking about the spell wasn't the way to go after all. She was hurting her.

"In the morning," Willow paused, "Come here." She couldn't stand seeing Tara so upset.

Tara rose herself up from Willow's stomach only to crash suddenly into her lips when she was unceremoniously tugged forward. Willow's arms wrapped around her as her mouth devoured Tara's. This wasn't like any other kiss they'd ever shared. Not only could she taste her own sex on Tara's lips, but this kiss was more intense and full of need. Tara's reserve broke quickly, and she was kissing her back even as Willow reached down to rid her of her skirt.

They separated briefly, Willow climbing on to the bed and pulling off her red shirt and tank and tossing them to the floor. Tara simply shrugging her skirt off to the floor and moving back towards Willow. Tara followed Willow on to the bed, her breathing had evened out temporarily, and her blue eyes were dark with desire. But her nervousness was conveyed in her every motion. Even as she laid down on her side and reached out to bring Willow closer.

"Tara." Willow sighed as their bodies came back into contact, reaching out and pulling Tara closer, the exquisiteness that was their bare legs tangling together. Maybe this would all be okay, Willow thought. The wetness between her legs was insane. This desire was insane. She felt like she was literally drowning in Tara. She needed to give back to Tara. Even though she had no clue how.

Tara kissed her again, this time, slow soft kisses as she slipped her thigh between the younger wiccan's legs. Their sweaty bodies gliding together easily, hips rocking and mouths clinging. Her arousal leaving a trail on the older Wicca's thigh as they rocked. Each movement brushing the redhead witch against her now overly sensitive centre. Tara's tongue slipped into her mouth and she sucked it in to her mouth, craving as much contact as possible. She gasped at the sensation, grinding down into Tara's thigh. Her hands running up Tara's back, under the fabric of her shirt. Suddenly the dark green fabric became an impossible annoyance.

"Mmmph, shirt off." Willow tugged the hem of Tara's shirt until the blonde relented and discarded her shirt. Pulling it off her body as quickly as she could. It took her a minute to realize that Tara hadn't been wearing a bra. Willow stared for a few moments blinking at Tara, wearing nothing but panties. She could see everything, all curves, full breasts and hardened pink nipples, soft belly and pale skin. And she really had no idea what to do with anything, should she touch? Not touch? What the heck do you do with boobs? Tara gently stroked the skin on her back, sensing her nervousness.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm good." Willow answered back, trying desperately to keep the nervousness out of her voice.

Then Tara smiled and drew Willow back to her mouth. Willow tried to relax and concentrate on kissing, Tara was being gentle, but passionate, running her hands delicately over her back and down over her ass, fingers tracing patterns on her skin. The distraction soon proved enough and she kissed back with equal fervour.

The nervousness reappeared when Willow's hands tentatively reached down for Tara's underwear, "Y-you don't have to Willow." Tara stroked Willow's hair leaning in to kiss her neck. Until Willow began to try to ease the panties from her body. It was only fair Willow thought, she was naked and Tara should be too.

"I want to." She replied shakily, attempting once again to pull the panties from Tara's body. Her nerves making her hands shake slightly.

Tara shifted her hips away, silencing Willow's protests with a kiss.

Willow paused, and pulled back, "I know that I'm new at this, but I'm never going to learn unless you let me take them off and I really want to touch you." And it was true, Willow knew that, if only she could stop feeling so nervous. She felt like any second she would explode, either from anxiety or desire, she wasn't sure which yet.

Tara breathed, "I w-want you to, its just..." And with that she let the damp blue cotton fabric slide off her sweaty legs and off. She never really got to finish her sentence. So Willow decided it must not be important. Her nerves were getting the best of her. It took all her effort not to start blabbering. Who knew what she'd say? She didn't want to hurt Tara. She couldn't find out how freaked she was.

She looked at Tara, seeing creamy white thighs with damp honey coloured curls. Willow paused for a moment. She still had no clue what to do. So she panicked. She grabbed Tara, clutching her close, burying her face in her neck. "I want to, but there's...boobs and you're a girl and I don't know how! I can't! " Willow stammered.

Tara must have caught sight of the look on her face, "Oh... Willow." Tara's arms went around her instantly pulling her into a tight and very naked hug. "Shhh."

Willow didn't want to see the look on Tara's face; she knew it was probably hurt. She couldn't stand seeing that. She kept her face pressed against the skin of Tara's neck. What had she done? "I'm sorry."

"Its okay," Tara said soothingly, fingers brushing through her hair, "It doesn't matter."

But then just as she began to wonder if she should get dressed or if they could just lie like this, if that would be okay. Something changed about Tara's embrace. It was still warm and comforting but her hands began to wander up and down her back. Lips began to kiss softly down her neck and she was slowly rolled on to her back, Tara half on top of her. Still kissing and caressing, one hand slipping down to her thigh, then rubbing at the skin on her hip. Willow began to realize what was going to happen.

"Tara?"

"It's okay." She repeated leaning down to kiss her, lips devouring and then her tongue slipping in to her mouth, another perfect kiss from sweet full lips. Willow shivered slightly, arms still around Tara. Tara's lips finally left hers and kissed down her neck, taking her time down to her collar bone. Was it really going to happen? It didn't seem fair that Tara going to make love to her again anyways. But she wanted it.

"But I-" Willow was cut off by the sensation of Tara's fingers reaching her sex. Probing gently, and then inside. And she thought no more.

Everything that followed was sensation, Tara's lips barely leaving hers, her hand working her body into a passionate frenzy. She cried out, not even sure what she was saying. Tara moaned into her mouth, she seemed to be loving this, maybe as much as she was. This was incredible. Her hands on Tara's body, moving without thought; gripping here, brushing there, cupping a full breast in her hand bringing a louder moan muffled into her lips. And then she was tensing and so close, and coming. And Tara was smiling looking down at her, fingers slipping out and lips meeting again.

And it was then, coming down from another climax that Willow noticed that Tara was shaking.

"You're shaking." It was a statement, not a question.

"It's a good kind of shaking."

Willow shifted so that Tara moved and she slid her sweat drenched body on top of hers. She knew somehow that it was time to give back. So she topped her, kissing allowing her hand to trace its own path down Tara's body.

And Willow's hand went lower, touching at the slick wet heat between Tara's thighs, surprised by her own reaction to it. She felt an extra rush of fluid between her own thighs, more turned on than ever. She started slow, running her fingers through silken flesh, pleasuring gently almost hesitantly. Tara's hips instinctually followed her movements. Then she wanted inside, wanted to feel as much of Tara as possible. And so she brought a finger to Tara's entrance, and pressed. Almost immediately the flesh gave way and she slipped inside, she moved gently, slowly. The softness surprised her, and she wanted more. She rubbed again more firmly, leaning down to kiss Tara. She imitated what she'd do to herself, what Tara had done to her, hoping that she was doing it right. She didn't want to disappoint Tara.

Tara gasped, panting, her back arching slightly, "More." She managed to get out. Her eyes looked through her and she made a mewling sound when Willow added a second finger. Then groaned, rolling her hips experimentally. And pulling Willow down to kiss again, the kiss deepened and Tara clung at her shoulders holding her close. She moaned again as soon as Willow moved her hand.

Willow broke the kiss, "Am I doing something wrong? I mean I can change it? Or should I be-"

"Its good," Tara rolled her hips again, "Just..." Tara cut herself off. Whatever it was she didn't seem to want to say it.

She wished she could get inside Tara's head. Know exactly what was bugging her, if she was too hard or too gentle.

"Just what? What do I do? Did I do something wrong?" Willow slowed her movements.

"I w-want..."

"What do you want?"

"You. Just keep touching me." Tara closed her eyes, hands caressing Willow's back. Willow smiled at the tenderness.

Willow paused for a moment, "Teach me?" Tara had taught her magic, now maybe she could teach her how to do this. How to love her.

Tara moved one of her own hands from Willow's shoulder, slipping it down sweaty bare skin, stopping to rub at a nipple and caress down Willow's side to her hip. Then slipping down, mirroring Willow's actions, slipping two fingers up inside her easily. She didn't think she'd ever been this wet, ever. It was so erotic, so beautiful.

They mimicked each other's movements, thrusting, rubbing, hips rocking in unison. Awkwardly at first; then finding a rhythm. Willow knew she was too close to last very long like this. Tara's eyes stayed open, as if she just couldn't stop looking at her, even as Willow climaxed again, her hand stopping its movements, rocking above Tara who was looking at her so intensely, even as her hand slipped out of Willow and trailed up to her back. Willow was momentarily slowed, tired and then it was Tara who moved against her hand.

"I'm close."  
The two words were breathless panting, but they were all the encouragement that Willow needed, she resumed her movements. Within moments, she felt Tara tense and clench and cry out. A long low moan, as her arms grabbed at Willow, clutching her closer, arms tensing with the rest of her as she rode out her orgasm.

"I did it." Willow breathed, with something akin to both pride and relief. She was also really tired. Three. Willow mused, three times. She hadn't even known she could climax three times like that.

Tara smiled, "You did." She disengaged her body from Willow's hand but cuddled in close. Savouring the new feeling of the afterglow. Arms wrapped firmly around Willow, pulling her close for a very sated kiss.

Willow frowned slightly, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Tara answered, confusion seeping in to her voice.

"I'm probably not as good as she was."

"Who?" Tara answered, seemingly even more confused.

"The girl you told me about."

"W-we never did anything l-like this."

"But she was the first-"

"No," Tara paused, "You're the first."

"Oh. Okay. Really?" Willow looked at Tara in disbelief.

"Yeah."

This new information made Willow's head spin. She was the first, ever, with Tara. Tara had been a virgin. Still was? Willow wasn't sure. How did a lesbian lose their virginity? And she had been good; Willow had assumed she had known what she was doing. She then hoped she'd been gentle enough, she thought she was but now she was uncertain. The questions playing on her mind were ones she never thought she'd have to ask.

Tara was playing absently with her hair, seemingly content. She couldn't bring herself to break the silence, so she let them fall asleep curled up together in the dark.


	5. Crest

Tara woke first. The unfamiliar feeling of having another body entwined with her own being the first thing she noted. Sometime during the night they had moved and shifted under the covers. Tara then remembered that it had been her that had woken up cold earlier, and in the dark covered them.

Last night she had made love, for the very first time. With Willow. She smiled and snuggled closer to Willow under the covers. The after effects of the spell had been so potent, she mused. Somehow she'd managed it. And she had loved it. Willow touching her, all over her. It had been so beautiful. And nerve-wracking. Tara looked at Willow now, peacefully sleeping beside her. Her heart swelled with love for the pale witch snuggled up next to her. She ran her fingers gently along the skin of Willow's shoulder. Then the panic set in. Was this ok? Had she ruined something? Was this too fast? Or too gay? Would she be ashamed? Willow had touched her, loved her, had her hands all over her. Hopefully this was a good sign.

But Willow had been so nervous, even more nervous than Tara herself. What the hell had she done? Willow wasn't really gay. Not like she was. But Willow did like her, like kissing her. Had she liked it? Had she like it as much as Tara did? Tara decided then that the next time they made love it would be when Willow sought out her bed. And not a moment before.

But they were sort of together, right? Tara didn't want to ask. And Willow was stirring in her embrace. The light coming in through the curtains seemed to be waking her up. She looked so beautiful.

Willow's eyes fluttered opened. At first she seemed disoriented, confused. She seemed to be taking it all in, Tara's proximity, their nudity.

"Oh." Willow finally said, "I can't believe we did that."

Tara found her face falling. "Oh." She responded.

Willow immediately corrected herself, "No, no. I meant I can't believe we did that in a good way, a really good way."

Tara found herself smiling as Willow leaned in for a kiss, "So did I."

"I was ok right? I mean I didn't hurt you or anything?"  
"No, it was wonderful." Tara stroked a few stray hairs back from Willow's face. "You were wonderful."

It was Willow's turn to smile. The smile rapidly faded, "Buffy," Willow remembered in a rush, "We have to help Buffy, get the spell books."  
And with that she bounded out of bed.

**

Tara was getting dressed, having got back from the shower a few minutes ago wrapped in a pink towel. This time Willow watched, she couldn't take her eyes off of Tara.

Tara noticed her staring, and blushed, slipping her pants on and then rummaging for a bra in her drawer.

Willow turned her eyes back to the book, sneaking glimpses of Tara putting on her bra and slipping a shirt over head.

"I found it, its called a katra."  
"We better get to work." Tara replied, "We don't know how long it will take to find Buffy, I mean Faith's body."


	6. Drowning

Tara sat in her room, a closed course book in her lap. Folklore and Mythology, her major and passion, was suddenly far less interesting. All she could think of is Willow. And Oz. She shuddered inward at the thought. He had stayed over at Willow's. But she couldn't cry; she had class in less than an hour. Going to class with red eyes would make people notice, make them ask questions. She couldn't stand that.

Oz, in Willow's room. In Willow's bed. In...Willow. She couldn't bear any of those thoughts.

She remembered making love to Willow, the soft gasps and moans, the way she felt under her hands, under her mouth. The way she moved and tasted and felt. All taken away. They'd only made love the one time, magic making her brave and the after effects of the spell needing to be sated. But it had been promising, of something more. Of more nights spent in Willow's embrace. Of laughter and magic and love. Because this was love, she thought she'd been in love before, but what she felt for Willow knocked everything that came before clear out of the water.

Her small lithe body stretched on top of Tara's own, her fingers buried deep inside, moving and kissing and writhing and loving. Such a deceptive size for one of such power. And Willow had that too, she felt it the very first time they casted together, the first moment she heard Willow utter the word "spell". It was in her energy, the way she moved, and talked and looked at her.

She wasn't worthy of Willow. She was a demon-girl, her family had taught her that much. Except her mother, her mother had been her shield from her father, and her first teacher in Wicca and in magic. But her mother had had the demon too. And her mother had been mostly ok. Maybe she'd be like that, that wasn't so awful. She wanted to be with Willow anyways. She could hide it enough that Willow would never know that she was part-demon.

She loved her; that much she had been sure of for weeks. She had begun to hope that they'd be together, for real. Name the kitten together. Maybe be open about it someday.

Now Oz was back and the chances were ruined. She heard the knock on her door. Jumping to open it, there was Willow.

And she looks so sad; all she wants to do is comfort Willow. Any way she can. Be her friend, be ok with whatever she decides. Let her be happy. Willow has to be happy, Tara decides, that is the most important thing. Even if her heart is breaking. And then they're talking, and hugging. And nothing's happened, yet. She feels the relief flood her, feels Willow's arms around her. But she knows it will probably happen soon. Oz was the first, the first love. And he was a man, how could she compete with that? It wasn't Willow's fault. If she felt about Oz the way she felt about her. Willow didn't use her, she couldn't. And she loved Willow, she couldn't really not. Not now. She couldn't tell her though, not now and not before. The closest she'd come was "yours".

She holds Willow close and lets her cry. Stroking soft strands of red hair as Willow half-sobs, half-nuzzles into her neck. If they're friends, they can still have this, lingering hugs and comfort. Maybe it will be enough. She just couldn't stand to lose Willow entirely.

And then Willow's lips find hers and they're kissing. All Willow's confusion being poured out into her. And she can taste the saltiness of her tears, and for a moment she doesn't care. Because Willow's hands are on her and hers are ridding Willow of her sweater. And the sounds she's making are right, and her hips are close, she pulls Willow tight against her. The sweater tossed to the floor, and she's touching Willow-skin, and breathing her in. And she wants this so badly, it wouldn't take much to have Willow back in her bed again. Take her back to bed and show her how much she wants her. Love her until some miracle happens that makes Willow choose her.

And then abruptly she says what she least wants to, "Stop." And then she's crying too as Willow pulls away from her.

Willow sways for a moment, thinking, "Yeah, I gotta go to class and stuff and you- I'll see you later." Willow blurts out and leaves.

She sits for a moment, noticing Willow's sweater on the floor. The cute one with the flowers. It smells like her, and Tara pulls it on before gathering her books for class. She takes a deep breath, and gathers her books for class. She could do that, she could be whatever Willow needs. Its what she had to do. She could love her enough. It would be enough.

_Pretending my ankles reside in the shallows_

_Rather than the truth_

_That the water looms far above my head_


	7. Dive

Willow rushed around her room trying to find matches to light the candle. She kept fumbling with the matches and dropping them on to the carpet. She tucked the matchbook in her pocket and resolved to light the candle just before she knocked on Tara's door.

She locked her own dorm room, the one she shared with Buffy, absent-mindedly and made her way through campus towards the building Tara lived in.

She had a plan, finally. She knew where she wanted to be. Who she wanted to be with. Willow couldn't say she wasn't nervous, but she felt terrible. She had put Tara through this roller coaster.

She loved Tara Maclay. She smiled at the thought, her feet moving a little faster making her way towards Tara's building. Excitement and nerves making a fun cocktail for her brain to sort out. She knew she wanted this to end in smoochies. And being naked. If Tara wanted.

She was plotting now. She would go to Tara, and say what? That she was crazy about her? That she wanted her? That she was sorry? She wasn't sure what to say really. Say what? I want to get naked with you right now and take you to bed to make up for all the crap I put you through? I want back in your arms? I want to love you?

She breathed, the words would come. She lit the candle without hesitation this time, and raised her hand to knock on the door. It would all come.


	8. Submersion

Tara couldn't believe it when she'd opened the door to reveal Willow behind it. She had been positive it would be something stupid, like that guy down the hall coming to borrow her stapler. Again. Sometimes she felt like she was the only person with a stapler on the floor. It was really getting ridiculous.

But there was Willow. Holding that candle, looking as adorable as ever, _"No candles? Well, I brought one. It's extra flamey."_

Tara waited, she knew why Willow was here. She didn't want to hear this. Not really, even though she had to.

"_Tara, I have to tell you..."_

"_No, I-I understand. You have to be with the person you l-love."_

"_I am."_

It was unbelievable, Tara had to try to get her to clarify, _"You mean..."_

"_I mean." Willow paused, "Okay?"_

"_Oh, yes." _Tara said, better than okay, she added to herself. The things she thought she'd never hear. She doubted her ears for a few moments.

"_I feel horrible about everything I put you through. And I'm gonna make it up to you. Starting right now."_

"_Right now?" _Tara smiled, she liked the sound of this. The floaty high feeling she'd been beginning to associate with Willow hit an all-time high. And she smiled at her. And that she was going to make it up to her, and Tara couldn't believe it, so she smiled and blew out the candle. They were together, the unspoken now spoken and standing in the dark.

She was unsure for a moment, if she should reach out for Willow. But she waited. She had decided that Willow had to start this and she had to stick to it. But most of her longed to just reach out and drag Willow closer.

**

Willow waited a moment for their eyes to adjust to the darkness. And then she was kissing Tara, completely unrestrained. Pulling her close, smiling into the kiss as Tara too became more confident. Hands moving lower, moving over her hips and ass before under her shirt to feel her skin.

Tara made the first move, her fingers sliding up under the fabric of Willow's shirt. Caressing at her skin and then discarding it. Tara dipped her head kissing down. Her burning mouth working its way over Willow's pale freckly skin.

Willow's breathing grew heavy, "Mmm." She moaned at the sensation of Tara's lips and hands making their way over her torso. Suddenly Tara's head moved to her small firm breasts. Nuzzling in before kissing the flesh there. The shock of Tara's warm mouth surrounding her nipple made her gasp and she ran her fingers through her hair.

"Well... this just got...really...interesting." Willow managed breathlessly. Thoroughly enjoying the attention paid to her body. Tara giggled slightly, and continued her explorations.

Eventually Tara kissed her way up to her lips, slowly, way too slowly. Willow felt herself literally throb in response. Oh my god, she thought.

She broke the kiss with a smile, and discarded Tara's shirt, pulling it over her head and letting it drop to the floor as Tara mimed her actions, going a step further and removing her bra. Then pulling her back in to kiss again. Savouring the feeling of Tara's lips, Tara's tongue. And the way her skin felt under her hands. Heat rising up rapidly inside her, it wouldn't take much to have her aching and completely incoherent.

She pressed their bare torsos together, a hand coming up to explore soft full breasts through the material of Tara's bra. Kissing along the hem of her bra and smiling, looking at Tara waiting for a reaction. Her eyes conveyed pleasure, and approval. She removed the bra quickly. This time she knew what she wanted to try.

"Beautiful." Willow murmured as she leaned in to taste hard pink nipples. Testing them with her tongue experimentally. As Tara shivered her arms embracing her and drawing her closer as the younger witch explored her body with growing confidence. She moaned slightly, as Willow realized exactly how to kiss and nibble at her breasts. Willow was in an unexpected heaven, soft sweet skin topped with pink nipples, "So perfect..." she murmured pointlessly into Tara's skin, "I can't believe this, it's just..." Willow didn't bother continuing; instead she drew one perfect nipple into her mouth. Tara gasped, one of her hands stroking her hair absently.

Willow finally made her way back up to Tara's mouth, kissing along her collar bone and up her neck to her waiting lips. Her hands taking over the previous tactics of her mouth. She looked at Tara, who was as breathless and consumed as she was. Then she slipped her hands down, to the black pants that Tara had been wearing slipping them off without much thought. As Tara's hands went to her skirt, groping for a few moments before finding the zipper and letting the material fall to the floor.

Willow bent down to slip off her shoes, and then made her way to the bed sitting down and tugging Tara's hands until she was close enough. She pulled the blonde's damp panties down to her thighs, far enough so that they fell to the ground and Tara simply stepped out of them. Tara stared at her with desire, and Willow couldn't stop looking back.

Willow took a deep breath, it had been a few weeks, but she was pretty sure she remembered how to do this. She stared at Tara for a few moments, perusing her body with her eyes. She wasn't sure who moved first, but then they were on Tara's bed, kissing fiercely. Willow's hand made its way more confidently down Tara's body. This time she knew what she wanted. Her fingers working Tara's body and bringing her pleasure. Her body flushed pink with arousal and her lips parting breathlessly as she moved over her. Her own desire growing by the second, Willow pushed it down momentarily.

Tara gasped as Willow's hand found its way to her centre, working her gently. Willow began to think she was getting the hang of this. She was loving this. Tara rocking against her hand, mouth parted slightly breath coming in pants. She was warm and slippery and she was inside her. Willow pressed harder and was rewarded with a long low moan. It was addictive. She could smell her, and it only spurred her on, heightening her arousal. Willow knew then she would never not want to be doing this to Tara. Making love to her. Willow smiled, and leaned down to kiss her lover, she felt like she could say that now-lover. And with that Tara began to tense beneath her, and soon Willow found herself clutched against her as they rode out Tara's climax. A few wordless moans, but they were loud. Willow smiled shakily with pride.

They lay quietly in the dark for a few minutes following Tara's orgasm. This was how it should be, Willow thought. Always. Willow's own arousal had become torturous as she pleasured Tara, but she waited. Waited for Tara to come to her, she knew it wouldn't be too long.

"I love you." Tara whispered in the dark. Her voice lower than Willow had ever heard it before.

"I know you do, I love you too." Willow stroked Tara's face.

Then Tara shifted, kissing her hungrily, lips once again devouring. Willow was slowly rolled on to her back, panties tossed off of the bed. Lying naked and exposed before her lover. The hungry, fevered kisses left her lips and made their way slowly down her body. Kissing everything, and playing with her small firm breasts on her way down. Willow half-wished she'd hurry up, but Tara was content to take her time. Blue eyes rarely leaving green until she reached the red curls between Willow's thighs. She nuzzled in, then moving lower.

Willow gasped in shock as Tara's mouth made contact with her centre. She was so worked up already, and Tara's incredible mouth was working its own brand of magic. She felt like she was floating, she felt like she was tumbling from the stars and she was moaning so loud it was embarrassing. Both her hands tangled in long blonde hair. She could feel Tara's hands gripping her thighs, keeping her trembling legs spread, her mouth devouring and worshiping, the tickly blond hair draped across her body and moving with Tara. And Tara was moaning too, deep low moans that finally pushed her over the precipice.

Willow shuddered as she came, crying out "Tara." And gasping as her body shook on the bed.

She breathed heavily, but Tara remained between her legs, reluctant to come up until Willow grabbed her shoulders and pulled.

This time she saw it, Tara's mouth and chin were completely drenched. Willow became slightly embarrassed, she had literally drenched her girlfriend.

Her hand came up to wipe some of it off. She hesitated for a moment, waiting for Willow's reaction. A little unsure. But Willow just grabbed the blanket, wiping off Tara's face gently before she kissed her. She wasn't sure if she would get used this, the shock of tasting her own flavour. But it was rapidly becoming more erotic.

"I'm sorry." Willow apologized. Wondering if that was the thing to do? Was it? Are you supposed to?

"For what?" Tara looked her quizzically. Obviously very content.

"Never mind." Willow kissed her again.

Tara moved to lay down next to her, briefly breaking the kiss before resuming it. Willow began to think again, about Tara going down on her. And how much she liked it. She broke the kiss, a question clearly on her mind. She moved her hands over all the exposed skin, admiring the curves Tara possessed.

"Do you like doing ...that?"

"Doing...?" Tara paused for a moment before realization hit her over the head like an anvil, "Oh that..." Tara blushed immediately.

"Well do you?" Willow asked, half-teasing. She liked making Tara blush. She hadn't expected it would be this easy though. Naked in bed and still blushes Willow mused affectionately.

"More than like." Tara blushed even more if that was possible.

Willow kissed her again, tongue darting out to tangle with Tara's own. Tara's arms surrounding her and pulling her close. She didn't feel done yet. And there was one more thing she really wanted to try. She was so curious, what did Tara taste like?

"Are we, you know, done?" Willow asked "Cause I don't want to be done."

"We just started." Tara smiled and pulled her closer.

"Good, no stopping, there will be absolutely no stopping."

Tara laughed, and agreed. "Absolutely no stopping."

As soon as she began kissing down Tara's body, she felt a shudder through her lover's body. Realization of exactly what Willow was about to do. Some nervousness, she pushed it aside. Letting instinct take over, as her mouth reached Tara's sex. The shock of her taste, then desire, and Willow was lost.

Lost in the taste and feel of making love to Tara this way, and Tara moaned readily, hips rocking up and back arching. Everything was so captivating, Willow thought. She understood now, why Tara had chosen to do this again. She tastes so good, Willow thought, she just couldn't get enough.

"Willow!" Tara cried and shuddered beneath her. She knew then she would never get sick of Tara crying out her name. Another new addiction.

Willow was breathless too, but she kissed back up Tara's curvy body. Extremely pleased with herself and having discovered yet another thing she loved doing with Tara.

Tara cupped her face in her hands, "Yours."

And Willow realized as their lips met again, she was more than just "kinda" gay, at least as far as Tara was concerned.

FIN

_The beat of my heart has become a poison  
a death march  
its rhythm hasn't faltered  
and that I still can hear it  
is strange  
if only I knew  
why its rhythm has changed  
surfacing once again what should not_

_Love not striking once_

_Not an instant uncontrollable longing_

_But rising like a tide_

_Before you know it you're_

_Drowning_

_No escape_

_To flail in the water and drown?_

_Still denying that I've been pulled under at all?_

_Or to let myself fall deeper_

_Pretending my ankles reside in the shallows_

_Rather than the truth_

_That the water looms far above my head_


End file.
